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Gold Star?

August 24, 2011

Ah the joys of being a lesbian and having straight friends. My fiance and I have a very wonderful friend named Kylie. She’s one of the most hilarious and enjoyable people I have ever met. Today, after J (remember? That’s the girlfriends name.) got off work she went and picked Kylie up, we had planned to have dinner tonight and hang out a bit. On the way to the restaurant the subject of lesbians came up for reasons I will not disclose here. Kylie has always been very supportive of J and I’s relationship, just never really asked for details of what a lesbian relationship contains or whatever. J and I were talking about a friend of ours that’s also a lesbian and commented on how she’s a gold star. Sitting in the driver’s seat and J in the passenger, from the back we hear, “Gold star!? What is that, like Kosher?” Of course this is Kylie talking (I told you she’s hilarious.) So of course we had to go into detail about what “Gold Star” means.

There are many different definitions of what a Gold Star Lesbian actually is. Urbandictionary.com lists the definition as – A lesbian that has never had sex with a man. There are other sites that list the definition as never having a sexual encounter with a man. Which ever it is, I prefer the first. Honestly, there aren’t that many lesbians out there that haven’t experienced with the opposite sex. Either they do it because, A. They are trying to make themselves realize that guys aren’t that bad and that this whole having sexual feelings for women is just a phase, B. Trying to make their parents happy and be in a relationship with a man, which of course leads to sexual things, or C. they are honestly curious because they’ve never done anything with a man before. Now, I don’t want to go into details of my sexcapades because I know some people who read this blog are friends and family friends that really don’t want to hear about it, but I will admit that yes, I have had a sexual encounter with a man. I didn’t have sex with him because, honestly, even back then, the thought made me sick to my stomach and still does to this day. Anyways, the only reason I had this encounter with a guy was because I was honestly curious. I had never done anything with a guy, but kiss them and that wasn’t in the least fun to me, so I decided to try something else. Right away I knew I didn’t want to do it, but pushed myself into it. Now, my mother was a very loyal and dedicated Lutheran and frowned upon anything that the Lutherans didn’t believe in. Homosexuality was one of those things. So I guess you could say, her beliefs also lead me to being curious about this certain thing.

So I for one would like to see myself as a “Gold Star Lesbian”, other people of course have different views on it. I’m proud to say that I’ve never had sex with a man and I never will, so why can’t I call myself a gold star? Being a gold star in the lesbian community is a very valued and sought after thing. If there is a woman looking for someone to spend her life with and she’s a gold star, she will more than likely look for a gold star to be with. Now, I’m not saying that happens in every relationship, but like I said its a sought after thing. When you’re with a group of friends that are mostly lesbians and this comes up, when you say you’re a gold star lesbian, you’re automatically more attractive. Why? I don’t know. Personally, I don’t care if the person I’m dating is a gold star or not, it’s not something I would look for in a companion, if I was looking. (I’m happily taken and not looking for someone to date, just making that clear.) Everyone has different things they look for in a significant other, but this one thing seems to be popular with most of the single lesbian crowd.

I hope I’ve been able to educate and enlighten people with this post. For me it was fun to write. Please, if you have any negative comments, don’t bother posting them because I won’t approve them. If you’re going to hate, then I don’t want to waste time on you.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Jenny permalink
    August 24, 2011 12:06 pm

    I didn’t even know that was a thing!

    It seems kind of counterproductive to even have the label “gold star.” I mean, it just seems like a separation of who are the ‘best’ lesbians and who aren’t. It just seems like another form of discrimination, kind of.

    Like you said- I think a lot of lesbians have probably had an experience with a man, and not because they’re promiscuous but because they may have been trying to figure things out, or trying to have a relationship with a man to please family or something like that. I guess it just seems silly to have the distinction, because I don’t think having had an experience of any kind with a man means you’re not a ‘true’ lesbian. But I guess I wouldn’t really know! 🙂

    • August 24, 2011 2:59 pm

      Haha I’m not surprised you didn’t know about it. A lot of people don’t and I’ve had this conversastion with a lot of people. You’re right though, it kind of is counterproductive, but that’s how it works. The gold star ones are the basically the “better” ones. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with any of this and I’m happily engaged. Haha Thanks for giving me feed back on everyone of my posts so far, it means a lot to me!

  2. August 29, 2011 3:56 pm

    im almost 15 and im a lesbian and ive never had any experience with a guy besides kissing my bestfriend alex when we were 5. i hate when people say you dont know if your a lesbian because your young and never been with a guy im like no i know im a lesbian because i dont get feelings for guys like i do girls and age differs i always say im sure you knew you were straight when you were 15. and i also say im pretty sure im not going to be with a guy just to prove to other people im a lesbian! i love your blog. and this is kinda inspiration for me to know that you didnt have to be with a guy to know you like girls!

    • August 29, 2011 4:09 pm

      Haha I’m glad I can be an inspiration to someone! Honestly, being with a guy is something you do if you want to, Its not my thing and its not a lot of peoples thing. You live your life the way you want too. Screw everyone else and what they think. I didn’t come out at 15 but I know it can be hard at a young age with all the adults in your life going, Are you sure? This is just a phase isn’t it? Trust me, I know its not a phase. I’m 21 now and I’ve been with my fiance for three years. Just keep on trucking and eventually the people around you will accept you for who you are and if they don’t. Then screw them. They don’t need to be in your life anyway. Good luck in all you do!!

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