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J’s family is FUCKING hilarious.

August 31, 2011

And I love them more than anything. There’s Cob, J’s brother. (Not really his name, keeping it private because I’m to lazy to ask him if I can use his name.) Then there’s T. That’s J’s mom. She’s one of the most hilarious people I’ve ever met. Like seriously. J and I want to video tape her and put her on facebook and youtube. We’d become sooo famous because people would PAY us to put that shit up. Yes, that’s how funny she is. Oh and then there’s J’s dad. They call him Satan. I don’t really know the story behind that, but that’s what I’ll call him since that’s what they call him, isn’t that terrible?

So Cob is sitting here telling all of us a story about his lazer tag experience when May, J and I’s dog incase you didn’t know that, grabs a teddy bear that’s actually Cortez’s bear. Cortez is T’s dog. T starts freaking the fuck out and is like, “NO, THAT’S CORTEZ’S BEAR!” Jumps up and grabs the bear from May and chucks it at my head. Cortez was laying conveniently behind me and to the side, so of course she chucks it at my head. She missed my head and hit Cortez, so that all came out as planned. Then she goes running around the house looking for a different teddy bear for May. Cob, J, and I are still all sitting here in the living room. Cob is mad because T just interrupted his story. Then we hear the front door open and Cob goes, “Did she really just go out the front door in the middle of my story!?” Eventually, T comes back in the room and starts telling a story of her own. Cob gets this look on his face like, “Are you kidding me?” Of course, this whole time J and I are cracking up. So Cob freaks out and is like. “I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TELLING A FREAKING STORY AND YOU GET UP AND JUST WALK OUTSIDE LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO GET COKES FROM INDIANAPOLIS!”

Honestly, this is much more hilarious in person. But when T and J read it, they will remember and laugh. Yay goal completed.

So at this point, I’m sitting here blogging while they are all talking and T is sitting here singing random ass songs. Oh no, I was just corrected. Beatles songs. Just so you know, she’s had a drink. She becomes even more hilarious when she drinks and just does random things. I really want to post the videos we took of her and crack baby. Now, you’re probably thinking, “What the fuck is crack baby? Are these people fucking insane?” To let you know, no we are not insane and no there isn’t a baby

So imagine this doll, with patches of hair. I will try to get an actual picture of it someday.

around here that’s addicted to the crack we feed it. Crack baby is a baby doll from when J was little. It’s lost most of its hair and just has little patches of it all over its head. To give you an example, if you walked into a darkish room and saw this baby doll sitting on a chair or couch or something, you would probably piss yourself because it’s so terrifying. T, though, makes it quite hilarious. We were over here one night and T was acting as if crack baby was a real baby and holding it and burping it and what not. She’s a little crazy, in the good way. It was hilarious. We took videos of the whole thing. At one point she tried to get crack baby to smoke. Yes, I will need to post these videos sometime so everyone can laugh as much as I did that night.

Cob is now singing some song about pigs and cows and krackens…. I have no idea. Oh and his microphone is a carmel apple. And T keeps yelling at him to go take a shower so he won’t be late for school in the morning. I’m pretty sure he’s just ignoring her.

So Cob is still singing some song about magical trevor and then gets really quiet and walks out of the room…. He came back with a guitar and now is singing ever louder and strumming along. He left again… I think he might be actually getting in the shower this time.. Maybe. He may come back in with bongo drums or something. Who knows, that boy is crazy too.

So, I think that T is secretly a lesbian. Or she’s just curious. But no, not really. She’s married and everything. But for a long time now she jokingly hits on me. Its hilarious and kind of terrifying. And just so everyone knows why J and I are over at her mom’s house, Satan went out of town tonight and T doesn’t like staying home alone. So J and I came over to stay tonight so she’d feel better about it. Anyway, T has been subtely hitting on me all night telling me she wants me to sleep with her and everything. OH, and she wants me to take a shower with her. And Cob just plugged in his guitar to an amp and singing and playing even louder. Anyway, back to the subject. I think we need to go on Jerry Springer so T can confess her real feelings for me. It really is a Jerry Springer situation, J is always there when T is trying to touch me in inapproprite areas. Of course, she’s only kidding and trying to get a rise out of me, which she successfully does.

From this point on as the night goes on I will come back and edit it with random little stories or quotes.

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